Yeah, I'm here.

I have recently been in contact with a friend from high school that I had not spoken with in over four years. She made me her friend on one of those ridiculous websites where you go on and you make lists of your friends, I won't say which one because 1) I don't want to promote the site, they're already taking over the world, and 2) I am ashamed to be a part of the thing, even if it has reunited me with some people I hadn't thought about in a long time and whom I could probably have lived happily my entire life without thinking about again.

God, I hope none of them are reading this.

My friend, her name is Ashley, is one of the coolest kids I remember from being in high school. I can safely refer to her as a 'kid' because, from my point of view, she is barely taller than a twelve-year-old. I'm freakishly tall, she's fairly short, a combination of the two, or I'm just a jackass who is amused by the little people. I was fairly good friends with her, as we took part in many of the same extra-curriculars (read: band), but when I graduated, our contact ended. I would occasionally reflect on my time in high school, conjuring her name and image in my mind before I went back to playing a video game or reading a book or eating because of my depression. I'm not entirely sure all of these things are unrelated, but that's for another time and place.

Having been talking with Ashley has been a treat. We make each other laugh to the point of crying, and I look forward to seeing her in-person again soon, though I fear my sides may very well split and I will age another thirty years in one afternoon, leaving my 22-year-old face looking like that of a septuagenarian.

Our primary means of conversation has, so far, been the instant message. For those of you who live under a rock or who are just plain antisocial - I'm antisocial, too, but at least I'm sociable about it - instant messaging is a process by which two computer users have a conversation across the internet. It's very similar to a chat room, but with more privacy and less random people running age/sex checks every five minutes. But, for the record, 22/M. There, are you vultures happy?

Of course, after our first instant message exchange, I put Ashley on my buddy list. Now it is important to note that not just anyone can go on my buddy list. Oh, sure, I may put you on there all willy-nilly, but whether or not you'll stay there is another thing entirely. Once or twice a month I raze the list, widdling the list down to the people that I talk to frequently and that I really like. If you survive The Rapture of my buddy list, consider yourself lucky. Although, if I talk to you on a regular basis, how lucky are you really?

One of the things I like to do with my buddy list is, when I'm bored, I will check people's away messages. Actually, now that I am free of PCs and using iChat, I don't even have to actually do anything to check away messages - when my buddies are away, their away messages are displayed below their names. Ahh, the superiority of the Mac...

I love Ashley like the little sister I never had but always really wanted, but her away messages leave something to be desired. It could just be that I've been disconnected from her for four years, but...well, let me explain. It's usually some sort of a quote from one of her friends, followed by a recap of what she's doing. I guess this is standard for an away message, but I like to be more entertained by away messages. When I was living on-campus and had a constant internet connection, I would challenge myself to come up with an away message that would make people laugh, not just my close friends, but anyone reading it. An in-joke does not a good away message make. Maybe my away message standards are too high, though. It could just be me. I think, though, that it's everyone else.

Today, though, Ashley broke her previous pattern. Her away message was at once informative and thought-provoking. It read, as follows:

"Yeah, I'm here."

Let's think about that for a moment. What is an away message? An away message is something that one puts up when they are away. By having it up, regardless of what it says, it indicates that they are away and that, should you send them an instant message, you will not reach the actual person, because they are away. The text of Ashley's away message directly defies that definition of an away message. "Yeah, I'm here." It indicates that she is, in fact, not away, but here.

A message which, by definition, indicates that she is away, states flat out that she is not.

The paradox boggles my mind. I don't know what to believe. Is she really there? Is she away? I'm afraid to send Ashley an instant message, for fear that the automated reply of "Yeah, I'm here." will cause the fabric of the internet to implode on itself. If, at any point, your computer eats itself, I apologize in advance. I didn't know I was playing God...

In the mean time, though, if you need me, just instant message me. I'll have an away message up, but I'll be near the computer. So it'll be more of a 'near message'. I haven't decided what it should say yet. Something deep and philosophical, perhaps. Like "VOTE FOR PEDRO".

(I hate those goddamn shirts.)