Thursday, October 19, 2006

Massachusetts School Bans Tag

An elementary school in Massachusetts has banned the playing of Tag, Touch Football, and "any other unsupervised chase game" for students at recess. The ban is a victory for panophobics everywhere.

In a related story, a Kettering, OH school has banned students from ever leaving their desks, in order to keep them safer.

Changing classrooms and using the bathroom are "accidents waiting to happen," said one local school official who wished to remain anonymous. "There's entirely too much walking aroung going on. Someone's just asking to trip and fall and hurt themself and hold the school liable, and we don't want that to happen," the official added.

Speaking on behalf of her son, one student's mother said, "Little Jimmy loves not being able to leave his desk. He definitely feels safer now that he doesn't have to worry about accidentally hurting himself." Little Jimmy could not be reached for comment.

The same school district recently instituted an "All Safety Scissors for All Ages" program for grades K-12. A PTO meeting will be held later this week to determine whether or not pencil sharpeners are detrimental to students' safety.