Erection Coverage

I've been referring to the election coverage as the erection coverage, partly because I am secretly prejudiced against people of oriental descent, with their sranty eyes and their aptitude for math, but mostly because of Campbell Brown, and the stirring in my trousers that took place while I watched her on CNN last night. I know Wolf Blitzer was the lead anchor on the coverage, but it was Campbell Brown's appearances that most aroused my interest in the program. There was much discussion last night about with which news figures (Brian Williams, Brit Hume, etc.) one would want to engage in sexual intercourse. I would just like to say once and for all: Campbell Brown really rings my bell. I would do everything to her. I would wreck that chick.

Having said that, I'd like to offer some brief commentary, or what I'd like to call...

POST-ERECTION COVERAGE!

- Hey, everybody! Barack Obama won! Yay! I woke up this morning and the sun was shining. Birds were singing, and the air smelled like candy. I got in my car and discovered that I didn't need to fill up my gas tank anymore, because my car now runs on joy and laughter. Okay, so none of those things actually happened (except that the sun was shining, but there were no birds, and the air smelled more like corn than candy). Barack Obama is the President-Elect of the United States of America, but that doesn't instantly solve everyone's problems as it seems a lot of people think it does. This is certainly an historic occasion, but there is a lot of hard work ahead. The economy still sucks. We're still in two wars. And George is still in office for another two and a half months. Who know? By the time January 20, 2009 rolls around, it might not roll around because we'll all be dead after a nuclear war with Russia. A lot can happen between now and then.

- Thoughts on vocabulary: A word that I really enjoy, that I didn't expect to hear yesterday (or today, or at all), was landslide. I just think that's a great word. I think another great and applicable word is groundswell. On NPR this morning they described the people at Grant Park in Chicago last night as delirious. I find that amusing.

- Something that has troubled me over the past several weeks, as Barack Obama's lead grew and his victory in the election looked to be inevitable, is this: there is still a decent-sized group of people out there who believe that Barack Obama is a deceiver. That he is an Arab. That he is a Muslim. That he is the Anti-Christ. Just because he won the election doesn't mean that those people have automatically changed their minds about him. The continued existence of these people (who, in my opinion are, in a word, lunatics) frightens and worries me.

- It's true, I got the majority of my news last night from CNN. However, Wolf Blitzer is not the person that told me that Barack Obama had clinched the election. No, that task fell to my favorite cable newsman: Jon Stewart. That was extremely satisfying. Also satisfying - and hysterical - was Stephen Colbert's reaction: he immediately donned blinders and earmuffs and sat in silence for the rest of the show.

- Speaking of Stephen Colbert, I think his reaction to the results mirrors my own. I've been fairly restrained in my enjoyment of the election outcome, and I wasn't sure why until I read this quote from Colbert (as himself, not the character): "I'm a little stunned. I don't know what to do with my happiness. I'm still afraid someone's going to take it away." That, I think, is exactly how I feel. I am as hopeful as I can be, but I will be infinitely more hopeful on and after January 20, 2009, when it's official and we can drop the '-elect' from President Obama's title.

- Finally, I am SO HAPPY that the political season is over. Politics are not going to go away any time soon, nor do I want them to, but at least the ads are done. If I never hear the names Ayers or Reverend Wright again, I will be a happy man. Also, I'm happy for Tina Fey: she'll never have to be Sarah Palin again, and she won't have to leave Earth as she said she would if Palin was elected.

I'm glad this erection is over. Of course, no sooner does one end that another one pops up. Still, I look forward to being politically flaccid for a little while. At least until the end of this week.