Ohio can lay claim to many things. A river named after it. A plumber. Several crappy sports franchises. But did you know that Ohio is also the birthplace of several important things? For instance, Superman was created by Cleveland residents Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster. Kettering, OH native Nancy Cartwright is the voice of Bart Simpson. And, contrary to what you may have heard, Orville and Wilber Wright developed the technology for flight right here in Dayton.
What's that? You say that North Carolinans disagree? You say that North Carolinans claim that, since the Wright Brothers actually flew at Kitty Hawk and not in Dayton, their state is the rightful birthplace of flight? Bah, I say. BAH! I have mocked people in the past for taking part in the debate of which state holds the title 'The Birthplace of Aviation', but no more! It's time to take a stand. I'm going to channel my inner Colbert in order to settle this once and for all. With a good old fashioned STATE SYMBOLS FACE-OFF.
STATE FLOWER
The Dogwood (NC) v. the Red Carnation (OH)
Have you ever given your sweetheart a Dogwood on Valentine's Day? The point goes to OHIO, for having a state flower that is more likely to get you laid.
STATE MOTTO
"Esse Quam Virderi" (NC) v. "With God All Things Are Possible" (OH)
This is America, North Carolina. Speak. English. Point: OHIO.
STATE TREE
Pine tree (NC) v. Buckeye (OH)
Pine trees make me think of Christmas. Christmas makes me think of presents. North Carolina is going to give me presents. Point: NORTH CAROLINA.
STATE MAMMAL
gray squirrel (NC) v. white-tailed deer (OH)
This is a tough call. While both animals look good after I have hit them with my car, only the gray squirrel has the balls to run out into traffic for no apparent reason. A deer is always crossing the street or something, and when a car comes, it just stops and looks at it. The squirrel has the sense to run. Point: NORTH CAROLINA.
STATE BIRD
The Cardinal (NC) v. The Cardinal (OH)
WHAT?! The cardinal is the state bird of both North Carolina and Ohio?! How can two states have the same state bird? That's like two different states saying that they are the birthplace of flight! It's just unheard of. Point: NEITHER.
So it looks like it's a draw. Neither Ohio nor North Carolina can definitively claim that they are the birthplace of aviation. of course, everyone in Ohio knows the real truth. As does everyone in North Carolina. Although, come to think of it, if Orville and Wilbur Wright had never invented flight, the world would be vastly different. For example, the Japanese would not have been able to bomb Pearl Harbor in 1941. Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, and the Big Bopper wouldn't have died in 1959. And the World Trade Center towers would still be standing today. So well done, Wright Brothers! Because of you, 9/11 happened.
On second thought, North Carolina can have flight. I doubt anyone in Ohio would want to be associated with people who aid terrorists.
I must strenuously object to the state tree point. They buckeye tree gave rise to fabulous chocolate peanut butter candies. And pine trees make me sneeze.
ReplyDeleteBut down with the Wright Brothers in any case. Even if they are already dead.
Hello. I linked to your blog from Bax. You should probably include the state of Indiana in this discussion. The actual "birthplace" of Wilbur was in Millville, Indiana. So half of the duo was actually born in Indiana. I also will get you started on comparisons...unfortunately our state bird is also a cardinal.
ReplyDeleteBeau, stop trying to steal the Wright Brothers!
ReplyDeleteSo I don't really know you and this is my first time visiting, so I'm a little scared to object, but I have to say that Red Carnations will NOT get you laid. Seriously, they're some ugly ass flowers, regardless of color. Also makes you look cheap like you can't afford red roses instead. I find it hard to believe a dogwood would get you laid either, but they're at least very pretty and mildly (very mildly) exotic looking compared to the dreaded carnation.
ReplyDeletePlus my grandma hates carnations. And dude, if you ever met my grandma, she is not a force to be reckoned with.