We're two grown men with important jobs who are standing in their underwear. Let's sing a song.

As a public service to the world, here is every episode of Sports Night for you to watch for free online.

You're welcome.

What man? Which man? Who's the man? When's a man a man? What makes a man a man? Am I a man? Yes. Technically, I am.

I'm procrastinating right now, and the ladies on The Collective filled out a survey this week. Seeing as I enjoy filling out surveys, and seeing as they're excellent time wasters that don't at all feel like a waste of time until they're over, I thought I'd go ahead and fill it out, too. Here it is.

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?

I have several scars on my fingers that resulted from toy customizing accidents.

2. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?

To be finished with my work. And to not have a cold anymore.

3. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?

I think I was born around 1:00 AM, but I could be way off. I feel like I missed being born on Valentine's Day by that much.

4. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?



5. THE BEST TV SHOW EVER CREATED:

Sports Night. Hands down.

6. THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO?

I talked to Jennie while she was stuck in traffic on her way home from work. Talking to her is often the only human contact that I have during the day.

7. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?

Nope.

8. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?

It was probably myself for some reason. I couldn't tell you for sure, though.

9. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?

All of them.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?

I don't have a favorite. Right now my favorite smell is Vick's Vaporub. Mmmmm.

11. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?

No preference.

12. WOULD YOU RATHER BE SMART OR FUNNY?

You can be smart without being funny, but you can't be funny without being smart, so I would rather be funny, because if I'm funny then the chances are good that I'm also smart.

13. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?

Coffee. But not regular coffee. I like froufy coffee with lots of sugar and chocolate and whipped cream and stuff. Judge me if you must.

14. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

You remember the cookies that they used to have at Wendy's? They were big cookies and they were really delicious. I would eat one of those.

15. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?

I have no idea. Probably Jennie, though she is hesitant to tell me when she's mad at me.

16. DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE?

Jawohl.

17. DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE?

*blushes* yeah....

18. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?

No. Funny story, though: I once fell in love knowing that I was leaving. Okay, not really funny so much as awful.

19. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?

Hugs.

20. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?

Bad drivers.

21. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE U.S.?

Yes.

22. YOUR WEAKNESSES?

Kryptonite. Canada. Vintage toys.

23. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?

I would not have this done. I prefer nature the way it is.

24. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?

The Collective tells me what to think.

25. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?

I used to be, but I'm not anymore, though I sort of hope that I'll never have to ask anyone out again.

26. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?

My height, which is great, since I work so hard at being tall! Seriously, people. I know I'm a giant. Get over it.

27. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?

Continue living my life as if nothing had changed.

28. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?

None right now, thank you.

29. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

My first name is my dad's middle name. I don't know who he was named after.

30. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?

My eyes regularly water if the Sun is in my eyes for any sort of period of time. So probably the last time I looked in the direction of the Sun.

31. ANY BAD HABITS?

I'm a collector. I will go on little sprees where I try to buy up as many of one type of thing as possible (usually it's toys, but sometimes it's comics).

32. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?

I would like to think so.

33. DO YOU KNOW ANYONE FAMOUS?

A few people, yes, of varying degrees of celebrity.

34. DO LOOKS MATTER?

Everything matters. It really just depends on how much each thing matters.

35. HOW DO YOU RELEASE YOUR ANGER?

I rant sarcastically.

36. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?

I simultaneously trust and distrust people immediately. There's a window of a few hours where that happens and then I subconsciously make my decision one way or the other.

37. FAVORITE THOUGHT PROVOKING SONG:

"Think About It" by Flight of the Conchords.

38. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?

Tomorrow.

39. FAVORITE EXPRESSION?

"Make it work," as said by a robot of Tim Gunn.

WARNING: This is a post about toys. My next post will be a movie review. You can look forward to that if you don't want to read this one.

I was going to give Jennie crap about how she hasn't written on her blog in a week, not really because it bothered me but because I like to give Jennie crap, when I realized that I haven't written on my blog in longer than that, so I thought I would go ahead and write sometime. I'm taking a well-deserved break from writing many many math problems. At some point I will get back to that later on this evening, and then I will be going to help Jennie and Heidi (new character! Jennie's roommate) move from one apartment to another, better one. Awesome.

So recently I've been spending my money on toys, which is not a shock to anyone, but the interesting thing is what I've been buying. Ever since I was very young I've been enamored of a series of toys from the '80s called The Super Powers Collection. Considered by many geeks to be the best toyline ever (seriously, ever), this was the first truly comprehensive series of toys dedicated solely to the DC Universe characters. Over the course of three years collectors not only saw figures of Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman, but also of Green Lantern, Dr. Fate, and obscure characters like Mr. Miracle, Plastic Man, and Samurai. Each figure was a unique sculpt, and very, very detailed. There are a couple of websites devoted to the series - ToyOtter's archive is my favorite, and Mike Mensinger's site has great stuff on it, too.

I've had a collection of these figures loose for years, but a few months ago I decided I wanted to collect them on their cards, too. I love the art on the packages, and pretty much all of the art associated with the series. It's a really clean style, and it reminds me of the art in comics that I read when I was really young and first getting into comics. The whole thing is a nostalgia project for me, but I'm having a great time. Anyway, this morning I took some pictures of my collection, and I thought maybe I'd share them. I don't know if anyone reading this really cares, but I'm pretty proud of it.


Here's my loose collection of all 34 figures in the series, along with one of the figures in his package. On the top shelf is the Hall of Justice, the headquarters of the Superfriends (naturally!), and a carrying case that went with the series of figures. I really like the art on the cover of the carrying case.


Here are the figures still in their packages that I've picked up so far. I've got a few more coming, but I really like how these guys look. On the shelf below those is a board game that came out in the '80s that tied in with the series of figures, as well as the Batmobile, which is the first toy from this series that I actually remember receiving as a child. The main thing I remember about it, aside from the fact that it was a birthday gift, was the box. It was so vibrant and it displayed the features of the toy so perfectly. The Batmobile is my single favorite toy from this series.


I've also been collecting items that were related to the series and that showcased the art of the toy line. On the wall is a mail-away poster that was offered with proofs of purchase from the figures. On the top shelf below the poster is a related comic, a mail-away record, and the materials for the Super Powers Fan Club, which are really scarce nowadays, considering that they were offered to kids in the '80s and most kids probably destroyed them. In front of all of that is a series of drinking glasses that came out featuring art from the series. On the far right, next to the Flash glass, is a box that I made that displays the mini-comics that came with each figure from the first two years of the line. Some of my first comics were those mini-comics.


Here's the weird stuff. There was a promotion at Burger King in the '80s that tied in to the toy line. There were four different kid's meal boxes, and four different toys, which were just cups with Superman, Batman, Darkseid (big bad villain), and Wonder Woman for handles. So those are all there. Then there are four VHS tapes bearing the Super Powers label, three of four 'Choose Your Own Adventure' books that also bore the brand (those books are AWESOME, by the way), and three book-and-record sets that were also Super Powers branded. I like the weird stuff because it showcases the art of the series and because, well, it's just weird. I mean, book-and-record sets? How awesome are those!

Sometimes when I'm talking about toys Jennie just gives me a sideways look, like I'm from another planet or she has no idea what I'm talking about, and that's totally cool. I know not everyone understands stuff like this. The best explanation I can give is that collecting toys reminds me of my childhood. I have extremely fond memories attached to everything on these shelves, and it makes me happy. I don't know why other people do it, but that's why I do it, anyway. Also, it's just a lot of fun. And it's cheaper than being addicted to drugs or alcohol.

Thus ends the geekiest post yet on my blog. More to come? Who knows.

Identity Crisis!

About a month ago, on a Friday night, I got a call from my credit card company telling me that my identity had been stolen. Well, they didn't say that exactly, but they asked me to verify some charges that had been made, and I verified that I had, in fact, not made them, which meant that someone else had done so, which meant that my identity had been stolen. No big whoop. I went to the bank the next day and we went over the list of charges (the card that was used was a check card), and they sent the list of fraudulent charges to the boys in Fraud, and I wasn't out a dime. It was actually pretty great how easy it was to fix everything. While I was there I probably could have told them that a bunch of stuff that I'd bought online in the previous week was fake, too, and they wouldn't have had any idea. Except then I would've been essentially stealing my own identity, and committing my own fraud, and the boys in Fraud don't take too kindly to people what commit fraud.

A week or so later, packages started arriving. I didn't think anything of this, since I'm a fairly frequent eBay shopper, so I usually have a package or two a week of stuff that I've bought of the old internet. But the packages that were arriving were frequent, and they were things that I hadn't ordered. The first thing I received was a DVD detailing how to become a grant writer and make millions of dollars. I didn't watch it, but I probably should have, seeing as I'm barely making thousands of dollars now, and a million is a lot more than a thousand (I write math problems for a living!). The next thing that came was some make-up. Confession time: being a straight man, I don't wear make-up. I know, it's a shocker. I have worn make-up in the past, but only for the sake of theatre (I'm a straight man, I swear), and never for the fun of it. Okay, there was that costume party that I went to where I wore gold make-up all over my face, but that's it. The make-up that I'd received was age-defying cosmetic make-up, meant to make me look years younger than I am. It was basically Botox in a jar, and if I'd used it I was guaranteed to look like a 15-year-old again, which doesn't sound at all pleasant considering how pimply I was back then.

To make a long story short, the thieves who stole my identity, in their infinite wisdom, ordered a bunch of stuff online using my credit card and then had all of the stuff shipped to me. For what purpose, I have no idea. Minor inconvenience, perhaps? It would've been, if I'd had to return any of the stuff that I'd received, but after speaking to the people at the bank I learned that I was under no obligation to do so. So not only did I get all of my money back, but I also received the aforementioned DVD and make-up, plus a box of crappy books from Doubleday (which I not only did not have to pay for but ended up selling at Half-Price Books for a small profit) and a pair of earrings (which I gave to my mom, since Jennie doesn't wear jewelry and my mom really liked them). But my favorite thing that I received was a box from FTD: flowers. What had my identity thief sent me? Had he or she done so out of appreciation for my letting them use my credit card for a day? I opened the box with a great deal of anticipation, and I found a bouquet of lilies and pink roses. They were nice flowers, for sure, so I decided to display them. Unfortunately, not having any sort of a vase in my apartment, I had to make due with a water jug.



My favorite part about the flowers, aside from the fact that someone had sent me flowers and that has never happened before (and will probably never happen again), was that they came with a card. What would these dastardly criminals write? Would they reveal anything about their identity, or taunt me with the fact that they would probably never be caught? No. It was something far more touching than that.



Of course you do, you wasted a full day spending my money on useless crap that you didn't even have the brains to have sent to yourself.

A Review of Watchmen

Before I start this review, I thought I would mention, for the three people that don’t already know this about me, that I am a huge comic book fan. I’ve been reading them for most of my life, and I love them. I first read Watchmen when I was in high school, and I enjoyed it, but I didn’t think it was the most amazing thing ever. Then I read it again when I was older and I loved it. There’s a cinematic quality about Watchmen the book that is fairly common in comics now but that I’m sure was astounding at the time of the release of the series. I look at reading Watchmen now like watching Citizen Kane now: you have to consider the time period in which the work was created in order to fully appreciate how ahead of its time it was.

So let’s talk about Watchmen the movie. As a movie adaptation that remains faithful to the original book, it was amazing. After years of missteps and averted disasters, and after master filmmaker Terry Gilliam called Watchmen the book unfilmable, director Zack Snyder has created a near-perfect Watchmen film. Shots were framed to exactly match panels of Dave Gibbons’s nine-panel grid, and dialogue was lifted directly from Alan Moore’s scripts. I expected this of Snyder, though, after 300 came out and was extremely faithful to its source material (so I’ve been told, as I’ve never seen that nor do I particularly care to). Snyder is a director who respects his source material, and who adheres to it almost fanatically, and that respect shone through on the screen. There were aspects of the book that had to be removed for the sake of time, but overall Snyder managed to pack so much story into just under three hours that I more or less forgave him for it. My favorite part of the film was probably the opening credits, which are spectacular in their simplicity. You can watch them in their entirety here. Each of the snapshots shown in the credits has a full story behind it, but knowing that full story isn't essential to understanding the movie. Despite the parts of the book that were left out, watching Watchmen the movie was like watching the comic book come to life.

So why did I leave the theatre with such an empty feeling?

Maybe it’s because, where Watchmen succeeds as an adaptation of a graphic novel, it fails as a movie. Watchmen the book was slow. There’s not a lot of action in the book. It’s mainly about character development and the relationships between them. Therefore, there’s not a lot of action in the movie. Unfortunately, though, a lot of the wonderful character development that makes the book so enjoyable is lost in the translation to the screen because of time limitations. As a result, I had a hard time relating to any of the characters in the movie, which is strange, since I already had a relationship with them as a result of having read the comic.

When the film ended, I just sat there. I had no idea what to say. Sometimes that’s a good thing, but this time I really wanted to have something to say. The story of the film was exactly the same as that of the book, but I didn’t think it had the same impact on the screen as it does in the book because I didn’t feel any attachment to any of the characters. The performances were all very good, save for that of the actor playing Ozymandias, who couldn’t seem to decide if he wanted his character to have an accent or not and so decided to have it both ways, which was distracting, especially during Ozy’s monologues towards the end of the film. The film was very well made. It was well-acted and well-shot. The choices of music were brilliant. And yet I still felt like it was all a little flat. I needed to connect to the characters, and I could not. I found them fascinating, but not relatable. I go to the movies because I want to feel something, and I didn’t feel anything when Watchmen ended.

All of that said, I’m still extremely conflicted about the whole thing. I thought that writing down my thoughts would help me to sort them out, and it did, to a degree, but I still don’t know what conclusion to come to. I think I enjoyed the movie. I really do. But I think I enjoyed it mainly because of what a faithful adaptation of the book it was and because of how well-made it was, not because any of the characters were engaging or because of the pace of the story. As a book, Watchmen is still a masterpiece. As a movie, Watchmen reaches for the stars but falls just a little short.

Missed It By *That* Much

Back in 2004, it was announced that Conan O'Brien would be leaving NBC's Late Night to replace Jay Leno as the host of The Tonight Show. This was a huge deal for me, as I spent many a night in the '90s and nearly all of the nights of the '00s up until that point falling asleep while watching Conan. I was excited for him to move to The Tonight Show, where I would be more likely to stay awake for the whole show.

I was also concerned about who would be taking the reins of Late Night. For weeks I thought and I thought about who should take over that job, until I came to the perfect solution. The person who took over as host would have to be comfortable performing in front of a live audience, be able to think on his or her feet, and be able to work with a staff to write new material five days a week. So who better to do that than someone who was already doing that on another NBC show, one Saturday Night Live? After all, early in his career Conan was a writer for SNL. It made sense that Lorne Michaels would pick from that tree again to find a new host for Late Night.

My favorite segment on SNL has always been Weekend Update. It just made sense to me that one of the anchors of Weekend Update should become the new host of Late Night. Think about it: writing for Weekend Update is basically like writing a monologue for a late-night talk show. My decision was made. The person I selected to replace Conan was qualified. This person was intelligent, was able to improvise, and, most importantly, was really damn funny. The choice was clear.

Tina Fey would replace Conan O'Brien.

It was (and still might be) the best idea I had ever had in my entire life. It made perfect sense, and it would be groundbreaking - the first female host of a late-night talk show. You have to remember, too, that this was in the days before Barack Obama. It was 2003 - the 2004 Democratic National Convention, Obama's star-making moment, hadn't even happened yet. The idea of a woman taking over a high-profile hosting job formerly occupied by a man was, at the time, akin to the idea of an African-American becoming President of the United States. It was ahead of its time. But I was set on it. If anyone could do it, Tina Fey could do it. I was convinced that she would knock it out of the park. Tina Fey was change I could believe in.

I attempted to rally people to the cause. I told all of my friends about the idea, and they naturally agreed with me. I decided that the best way to ensure that this brilliant idea came to fruition would be to begin a grass-roots campaign. Just as Barack Obama's presidential campaign utilized the internet to raise funds, I would turn to the internet to garner support for my idea. And thus, Late Night with Tina Fey in 2009 was born. The petition was a sensation, earning itself 120 signatures. Surely that would be enough to convince the NBC bosses that Tina Fey was the right woman for this job.

Of course, a lot can happen in five years. How was I to know that Tina would leave SNL to create and star in her own show, the completely hilarious 30 Rock? But still, even after that happened, part of me hoped that the show would fail in time for Tina to embrace her true destiny: as the heir to the Late Night throne. As the show continued on and proved itself to be both wildly entertaining and moderately successful, I saw my idea slip away. It was sobering, but I accepted it. Conan would still be on The Tonight Show, and Tina was doing well on her own. I was sure that whoever they chose to host Late Night would be a fine selection.

That was when the rumors started. And then it was confirmed. Jimmy Fallon would be the new host of Late Night.

A little piece of me died when that was announced. Jimmy Fallon might be the most unfunny person on the planet. He has no on-camera charisma. He's not smart. He couldn't write his way out of a wet paper bag. This is who they chose? The guy who laughed in the middle of every sketch he was ever in?

Alas. Late Night with Tina Fey was not meant to be. Perhaps some day America will be ready for a female late-night talk show host. In the meantime, I look forward to tonight, when Late Night with Jimmy Fallon premieres. Maybe, if the world is lucky, a light will fall on Jimmy Fallon's head, knocking something loose in his brain, and he will suddenly become funny. The odds of that are unlikely, though. It's more likely that he'll crash and burn harder than anyone on television has ever crashed and burned. I think I'd enjoy seeing that, too.

Unemployment, Day 30: LOST

Last week Jennie and I watched the season premiere of LOST. Jennie has been watching the show from the beginning, while I had never seen an episode before in my life. Strangely, the two of us seemed to have about the same understanding of what was going on (though that was nice, because it made me feel smart, or something). Having watched three episodes of the series now, I can safely say a few things about it.

Thing #1: I love the crap out of it. I like it because it makes no sense at all, and because the few characters that I've met are interesting and entertaining. I'm eventually going to go back and watch the whole series, but for now I'm really enjoying being confused (though, based on conversations that I've had with other people who watch the show, even if I go back to the beginning, I'm still going to be confused).

Thing #2: Jennie likes it a lot, and I enjoy watching her reaction to it. She gasped no fewer than three times during the episode we watched last night. During the premiere last week, the utter confusion on both of our faces was very amusing. As enjoyable as the show is, watching it with someone that is invested in it and clearly enjoys it as much as Jennie does makes it even more entertaining.

Thing #3: I think Grant Morrison is secretly behind the whole series. A button you have to push every 108 minutes in order to save the world? An island that (spoiler alert!) moves through time at apparently random intervals? And that's just the stuff I've seen! The only other thing that I know about is the polar bear (A POLAR BEAR?!), but I don't know how or why it's on the island. Whatever the reason, though, only a mad genius, a practicing magician, a former hallucinogenic drug user, and the author of ANIMAL MAN could be behind this, and luckily we get all four of those things in Grant Morrison. I'm telling you now, if you watch LOST and you've never read anything by Grant Morrison, you should check him out.

So those are my thoughts on LOST. With more to come, I'm sure.