An open letter, in the Marowitz style.

To all the people who know me or see my apartment and think it's funny to tell me, "Joe, you're like the 40-year-old Virgin!",

Go fuck yourselves.

Sincerely,
Joe Grunenwald

Some phrases you should learn.

I hate people that butcher the English language. Admittedly, I probably notice it more than most people, being both an English major and a snob (And if you say they're the same thing...okay, fair point), but honestly, some of these things just aren't hard.

From Newsarama (abridged, so as to get to the point): "If you thought Newsarama’s series [...] ended [...], well, you got another thing coming... Another few things, actually."

Let's follow that sentence logically, shall we? If you thought...and you were wrong...that means you have another THINK coming. Not another THING. ANOTHER THINK. With a 'k'. THINK.

While we're at it, let's go over a few things.

"I could care less" means you still care a little. "I COULDN'T care less" means you don't care at all.
"A lot" is two words. "Alot" is not a word.
"'And remember, it's a dog EAT dog world out there; not a doggie dog one.'" - Casey McCall, SPORTS NIGHT

Everyone needs to learn how to speak correctly before I end up beating them senseless with a tire iron.

That's all.

Feed a family of twelve on Christmas day!

Just buy them a King Kong-sized Whopper from Burger King!

Ladies and gentleman, I am a tall man, a large man. I have a big head. I would not want to even think about trying to eat something as large as, or larger than, my own head. Knowing how large a regular Whopper is, I'm guessing that the Kong-sized Whopper is larger than my head.

And that is just scary.

With big, pointy teeth.

In Soviet Union, squirrel eats dog!

It's only a matter of time before they rise up here. We must plant more pine cone-bearing trees if we are to survive the coming onslaught.

Thanks to Amelia for this one.

Which superhero are you?

I never take these quiz things, but I had to do this one.

Your results:
You are Superman

Superman 80% Spider-Man 75% Green Lantern 55% Hulk 55% Robin 49% Supergirl 45% Batman 45% The Flash 40% Catwoman 40% Iron Man 40% Wonder Woman 35%

You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...

Plug that hole! Plug it!

(Note: This post has nothing to do with holes.)

So I write fan fiction (yeah, I'm one of guys...) for a group called DC Anthology, which uses DC Comics characters (Superman, Batman, etc., but really, if you're reading this, you probably already know who those people are without me telling you). The site had been fairly inactive for a while, so it was decided to relaunch the site from the ground up.

The relaunch went up last night. I encourage anyone and everyone to check out the DC Anthology site (the link is also, as always, in my links list on the right). It looks great, and there's really some good writing going on there.

I write THE FLASH series, and will continue to do so until I either stop hearing the characters talk to me or I die, whichever comes first. Also, in five months, I will become the regular writer for our JLA series. So that's exciting.

That's all. Go read some fan fiction. Plugging over.

Wanna get pissed off real fast?

Just read this.